I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
