Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Randomize
