His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
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