Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
