Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
