Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
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