he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Did you pee in the oven last night??
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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