i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
