You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
