so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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