Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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