I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Randomize
