guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Bring me that man meat
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
