I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Randomize
