"it" just moved
weddingsv make me drug and hornr
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
