guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Randomize
