thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
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