Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
