1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
