I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
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