as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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