At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
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