im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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