Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
i just sent this text using only my big toe
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Randomize
