My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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