he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
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