Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
