Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I got inside last night via doggy door
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
Randomize
