Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
