Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
