brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
