Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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