Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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