he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize