Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Randomize