I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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