I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
