fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
