either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
We need to get me chipped asap
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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