i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
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