I wish my penis had an off switch
uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
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