I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
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