I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
