Girls should come with a carfax report
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I just want to make out with him forever
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
