This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
