I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
