The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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