Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
