im holly from the hills drunk
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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