I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
You have to summon your inner elephant
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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