I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
