I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Randomize
