Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
Girls should come with a carfax report
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Randomize
