I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
