She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
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