You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
