I think scott just propositioned me for sex
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
