he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
This is my gift to your gina
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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