Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Randomize