thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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