wrigley field is MILF paradise
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Quick, to the slutcave!
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Randomize
