she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
be right there i have to get my cape
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
